Unusual situation!! dead marriage - I

on Mar 15, 2012 , 04:44 am
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2 problems here. one with my marriage life and other with the relationship with my parents. Dead Facts: ~13months into marriage, no sex YET. My wife isn't comfortable (better say not interested) for any intimacy. She neither likes sex, nor like to be touched in a sensual manner. She says she needs time!! She doesn't like smooching, kissing - she expects me to give a sprint kiss and leave her alone, she does not respond to my moves and lies on the bed with her arms covering her face. All the things were talked before going to honeymoon as to what to expect. At the end of it, the conclusion was she wanted more time. But before the end of honeymoon and start, we tried "doing" things much to her dismay. She felt traumatized, which left me with strange feeling. I Never forced her physically, but insisted or convinced to have it once during our honeymoon and we tried it (but dint have intercourse), yet she thinks she was "raped". She was dead serious about this. When she told me about this, I lost confidence in her. She told me that she has never "tuched" herself in her life, clearly indicating her interest in sex. She says that she will try to get adjusted to al these. But, I dont want pity fuck. Its unfair for me as well as for her. I dont want her to think that she is doing some favour by having sex. She has problem if i put my leg on her, she says am too heavy and cant bear my weight (am barely 60kgs). She has some health problems, whch was not told to us before marriage (but this was never an issue). When I paid visit to her place, about 5months after marriage, she dint even wanted me to sleep with her in the bed. There was 2 cots in the room and she tells me that "her" bed was small and wont be comfortable for us and I had to sleep on the other one - that was spacious enuf for 2. I feel she still is not matured to be in this relationship. She expects me to "treat her like small kid". These were her very words.. Her mindset also has become like that. some 13 year old kid.. She is not bad girl at all, but I dont think she has aptitude to be in relationship. I cant continue to be like a saint.. This has left me in catch 22 situation. Things had escalated to her home and I made it clear that things wont work like this. She also has problem with my mom. Thats another big story. At present am staying out of country since last 5months..am on my job. She is staying separately since she also has problem with my mom. She talks okay with my sis-in-law and brother. I feel i have lost myself in the middle of nowhere. All the novelty is lost and lost interest in her, midway.. Therez lot more to talk.. but .. what do you think, folks?? btw, she is known us through my sibling's close friend's sibling.
Pratima Joglekar
She has some emotional hangups about someone or something. Maybe she was in a relationship before or maybe she just comes from an ultra conservative mindset. For some reason she has this huge wall, you have to connect with her emotionally. Maybe when you come back from your trip you can get a gift for her (some cosmetics or clothes) and show her nice photos and hope that someday you can visit them with her. Get romantic = take her for nice movies, candle light dinners, write poems basically show her what you are capable of in a romantic sense. If she connects with you emotionally then she can get intimate with you physically. I understand that it is a tall order for you but plz give it a chance. Usually the first few years can be difficult but then you can grow together. And one more practical thing would be to check on the health issue and see if it has any bearing with this problem.
on Jul 16, 2013 , 11:17 am
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Gene Russ
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on Feb 21, 2013 , 04:05 pm
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Yuddandi Sivasubramanyam
better understanding and adjustment is the need of the hour. do not go for s.x. try to tune her in such a way that she will compel you for act. few girls have scizoid fear of s.x.
on Jan 13, 2013 , 09:14 am
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Khan Ghayasuddin Khan
we now know one face of the story, whoi knows your approach is not as adequate as it should be like a man, try hard, if at it is not appreciated then divorce her, she is simply a liability for you, a buffellow which does not milk yet you have to feed it
on Dec 28, 2012 , 03:49 pm
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Neha Singh
Can u just help her to grow up if u like or love her? Show her some sex education topics on the net or TV, and get her aroused somehow. She might be from a conservative fly that thinks too high of purity etc, so she's associating this with impurity. Try to make her see it's natural and that it's OK for her to enjoy it; ask other married ppl to counsel her and talk her so that she grows up..BOL..She needs counselling and some exposure to city life, nudity on the beach, and just some openness,,,U've married a very protected and rural bg female..
on Jul 12, 2012 , 02:22 am
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Joy Tripathi replies to Neha Singh
nudity on the beach???? Is that a new cocktail or are you friggin serious about your advice? :O
on Dec 24, 2012 , 02:41 pm
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Neha Singh replies to Joy Tripathi
Pl, we need some immunity to excessive self conscious and over protected women..It's OK to feel desire, and once u actually see bare bodies, like surgeons do, then you know it's just another day in hell..It's all our thought associations more than the real thing..
on Dec 29, 2012 , 03:21 pm
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Ebanezer Jacob
I would suggest to get some detective agency to find<br /> a) if she has any extra marital relations<br /> b) if she was raped in her childhood, that she is traumatized<br /> c) if she has some disease, as you didn't spoke of her health problem in detail<br /> d) if she loved anyone else before marriage and this marriage was forced upon her...<br /> <br /> Once you have the answers, you need to ask yourself just one question<br /> Do you love her and want to stay with her? If yes, then approach a doctor or a Councillor. If No, then you can easily get divorced on the basis of NO SEX after Marriage. Also non-disclosure of her health problem is a strong point for you against them.<br /> Best of luck.
on Mar 31, 2012 , 07:33 pm
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Sangram Anand replies to Ebanezer Jacob
best reply so far...
on Jul 18, 2013 , 10:56 am
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Top Cat
dude..ur wife has sum1 else in her life..shes probably in love wid him & thts why she does nt wanna sex wid u..coz shes fucking him right now while ur away..so basically wht im saying is that ur FUCKED..ur life wont change until n unless they both dnt brk up .so go hv an affair elsewer or divorce ur wife n marry sum1 else.
on Mar 31, 2012 , 04:11 pm
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Romi Mukherjee
She loves sumone else dear!! She is normal .... coz she hs other emotions
on Mar 19, 2012 , 08:35 pm
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