'My hubby thinks foreplay is waste of time'

on May 18, 2012 , 05:03 pm

I got married 2 years back and things are pretty smooth as I expected. My husband is very loving and caring and so are my in-laws. There is no as such problem staying in a joint family also, as long as I am enjoying my life with my hubby. My husband works in a BPO at a senior level and has a very hectic job and this often shows up in his bedroom performance. Not that he’s unable to please me sexually but when it comes to putting any extra efforts or enjoying a foreplay session, he’s an absolute DUMB!

He would love to jump into the bed for a romp but when it’s about arousing me for a night of passion, he would never take an initiative. I wonder how someone, who is already ready for sex, cannot understand the importance of foreplay. On the other hand, I am a very romantic person and always wanted to enjoy a healthy and happy sexual life with my partner. I can’t just indulge in ‘SEX’ like an animal without any foreplay and until I am charged up. For me, those little things, gestures and words do matter but my husband is so dumb that he doesn’t understand anything.

During initial few months after our marriage, he would just silently come to bed, slip between the sheets and we’ll get intimate and things would proceed normally. Since ours was an arrange marriage, so I thought maybe he’s a bit shy to open up and doesn’t do anything special to excite me or arouse my mood. But after two years of such monotonous sexual life, I discussed things with him in detail.

To my utter shock, he said that he doesn’t believe in foreplay and don’t think he can do anything extraordinary to get a lady into sexual mood. Moreover, he has some rigid notions against foreplay. He feels if two people love each other and they want to attain sexual nirvana, why waste time is foreplay, instead they should spend more time performing the actual act in the bed.

I was so disappointed when I got to know about his views because I could foresee what’s going to happen to our bedroom life maybe 5 or 10 years down the line. Maybe, after we have one or two kids, we’ll stop having sex completely. Won’t be a big deal I guess, because the kind of boredom that has crept in our relationship, I don’t see anything good happening.

I am afraid it might affect my married life as well. Anyway, it has started to affect my job. I am not able to concentrate on my work. I keep thinking whether my hubby would change his perception towards how significant foreplay acts are for a couple to ignite the mood and keep up the passion, and as a result I can’t do other things.I’m not saying sex is all that matters to me, but it’s the most important part of my married life and I want to enjoy each bit of it. But how to do it is my main worry?

I have tried end number of times to entice my husband, either by cooking something that he loves, arranging a romantic dinner or by getting dressing in sexy clothes but he is least concerned about all this. He would just say, darling why you are wasting time, let’s enjoy! And the next moment, I get turned off but still try my best to perform.

I even took an appointment to consult a sex counselor thinking that he might help my hubby break this mental block but he refused to come along. I am really worried and upset. This is not the way I wanted my sexual life to shape up. I wanted to try everything under the sun but if my partner is not interested at all, then no point nurturing all these fantasies.

I don’t know what to do. Sometimes, I feel stupid enough to think of divorce on sexual dissatisfaction grounds. Please help me guys find a solution to my problem. I don’t know if you can relate to me or not, but I am sure many couples are facing a similar situation. I would appreciate your concern and suggestions.

Dreamer Nate
nice story but it about you
on Jul 24, 2014 , 09:54 am
Harekrushna Sahu
So Sad !
on Jul 23, 2014 , 12:21 am
Luve Struck
It is not easy to suggest you. Some time this happen with some guys. You are the only person who can teach him some fore play and its benefits. Try to show him some porn where the guy do massage to her lady and suk**ng and Lik**ngetc. And say that you also need these things which would make the se** life better and longer.
on Jul 22, 2014 , 10:20 pm
Dhruv Goel
then he is no man! we love foreplay!
on Jul 21, 2014 , 09:37 pm
Bharat Bhandari
Young lady, your remorse is understandable. But why u r making ur bed room as public stage. Just convince ur hubby. He will also like it provided u r supportive.. Someone can take advantage. Or are u a fake person.
on Jul 19, 2014 , 12:09 pm
Lucky man but you are unlucky. Just after 02 years if husband in such a state, then it is sad. Try some other methods to please him, as he is a senior officer may be bored with the same front thing, try from top or back.
on Jul 16, 2014 , 02:16 pm
Pranav Pant
marry someone else who can satisfy your needs
on Jul 16, 2014 , 09:01 am
Anbeishivam Anbeishivam
Since you have already spoken to him regarding approaching a counselor, the only way out is to suggest to him that you don't want to continue in an unsatisfied marriage. You have all the rights to pursue happiness.
on Jul 14, 2014 , 01:04 pm
Pk Pankaj
so sad, what we can do for you?
on Jul 13, 2014 , 08:44 pm
Bharat Bhandari replies to Pk Pankaj
Hv u consulted ur b/h before the above advice.
on Jul 19, 2014 , 12:10 pm
Vikram Lakhotia
on Jul 12, 2014 , 05:27 am
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