'My hubby thinks foreplay is waste of time'
I got married 2 years back and things are pretty smooth as I expected. My husband is very loving and caring and so are my in-laws. There is no as such problem staying in a joint family also, as long as I am enjoying my life with my hubby. My husband works in a BPO at a senior level and has a very hectic job and this often shows up in his bedroom performance. Not that he’s unable to please me sexually but when it comes to putting any extra efforts or enjoying a foreplay session, he’s an absolute DUMB!
He would love to jump into the bed for a romp but when it’s about arousing me for a night of passion, he would never take an initiative. I wonder how someone, who is already ready for sex, cannot understand the importance of foreplay. On the other hand, I am a very romantic person and always wanted to enjoy a healthy and happy sexual life with my partner. I can’t just indulge in ‘SEX’ like an animal without any foreplay and until I am charged up. For me, those little things, gestures and words do matter but my husband is so dumb that he doesn’t understand anything.
During initial few months after our marriage, he would just silently come to bed, slip between the sheets and we’ll get intimate and things would proceed normally. Since ours was an arrange marriage, so I thought maybe he’s a bit shy to open up and doesn’t do anything special to excite me or arouse my mood. But after two years of such monotonous sexual life, I discussed things with him in detail.
To my utter shock, he said that he doesn’t believe in foreplay and don’t think he can do anything extraordinary to get a lady into sexual mood. Moreover, he has some rigid notions against foreplay. He feels if two people love each other and they want to attain sexual nirvana, why waste time is foreplay, instead they should spend more time performing the actual act in the bed.
I was so disappointed when I got to know about his views because I could foresee what’s going to happen to our bedroom life maybe 5 or 10 years down the line. Maybe, after we have one or two kids, we’ll stop having sex completely. Won’t be a big deal I guess, because the kind of boredom that has crept in our relationship, I don’t see anything good happening.
I am afraid it might affect my married life as well. Anyway, it has started to affect my job. I am not able to concentrate on my work. I keep thinking whether my hubby would change his perception towards how significant foreplay acts are for a couple to ignite the mood and keep up the passion, and as a result I can’t do other things.I’m not saying sex is all that matters to me, but it’s the most important part of my married life and I want to enjoy each bit of it. But how to do it is my main worry?
I have tried end number of times to entice my husband, either by cooking something that he loves, arranging a romantic dinner or by getting dressing in sexy clothes but he is least concerned about all this. He would just say, darling why you are wasting time, let’s enjoy! And the next moment, I get turned off but still try my best to perform.
I even took an appointment to consult a sex counselor thinking that he might help my hubby break this mental block but he refused to come along. I am really worried and upset. This is not the way I wanted my sexual life to shape up. I wanted to try everything under the sun but if my partner is not interested at all, then no point nurturing all these fantasies.
I don’t know what to do. Sometimes, I feel stupid enough to think of divorce on sexual dissatisfaction grounds. Please help me guys find a solution to my problem. I don’t know if you can relate to me or not, but I am sure many couples are facing a similar situation. I would appreciate your concern and suggestions.